He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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