wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
