just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
