I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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