he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
