he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
