whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
