is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
