Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
