Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
whose parrot is this?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
