im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
