My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
