god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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