im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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