Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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