The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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