k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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