Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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