After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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