I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
