before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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