the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
