I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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