I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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