i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
