New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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