Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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