Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
