So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
