I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
