making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
