I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
