you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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