peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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