Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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