why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
