Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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