Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
