I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
