just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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