I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
this is an emotional support booty call
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
