I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
