I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
