i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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