Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
