I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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