Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize