think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
