Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
foreskin is a definite game changer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize