Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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