If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
