in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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