do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
