Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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