i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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