Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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