dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
