I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
vagina is talking i cant
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
