***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
