thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
