you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
