I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
