my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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