I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
