I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
