the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
