So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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