She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
