How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
either way he was missing a nipple.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
