worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
3 2 1 whiskey
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
