just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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