Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
