So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
