According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Be still, my beating vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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