Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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