Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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