You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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