why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
