If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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