So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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