I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
